help with copy

[jaapspreeuwenberg]

Hi all,

I have created seperate websites for my two properties in Thailand and am struggling with the copy on the sites.

http://kamalapenthouse.com
http://layanapartment.com

The information it needs is in the copy, but somehow I think it still needs some working on it to convert the visitors on my site into bookings. I have read many suggestions on how to change it, but feel I am too close attached to my properties to look to the text from a marketing perspective.

Are there maybe good copywritiers available for websites like this or are there other resources for help?

Kind regards,

Jaap

[Nemo]

Hi Jaap

I have had a quick look at one of your sites and see what you mean. Am I right to assume that English is not your first language? (I don't wish to offend.....!)

The facts are there but it doesn't flow and sell the dream as much as I'm sure you would like. There are a few typos as well - Satellite, equipped were a couple I noticed.

Sorry I can't help more, but it needs a fair bit of time to read and digest and turn the copy around. Maybe if you submit it for a review then some people can help change it for you? Difficult though as I feel you need the personal perspective that you undoubtedly have.

[jaapspreeuwenberg]

hi Nemo,

Thank you. Yes, English is indeed not my first language, I am Dutch. Not offended at all:-) I really thought 'Satellite' and 'equipped' were written correctly, at least I did not notice the errors in it.
That's why I was wondering where I could for example find a native English speaking copywriter to help me getting it right and add the flow in the wordings.

kind regards,

Jaap

[CSE]

Heeft u een Nederlandse versie?

We do not have much time but maybe we can squeeze time to help with a page or two in if you have.

[Nemo]

I have sent you a pm with a possible draft for the first page if that helps at all. Are any of your friends native English speakers that could help?

Other suggestions are to not use the word "Your" as much. I would just put "this" or "the" most of the time instead. For "common" using the word "shared" I think sounds better. I wouldn't use the word "Western" for kitchen, just modern or contemporary?

Photo tags - The kitchen is fully equipped for all your meal preparations. The penthouse is luxurious and modern.

HTH for starters

[jaapspreeuwenberg]

Heeft u een Nederlandse versie?

We do not have much time but maybe we can squeeze time to help with a page or two in if you have.

Hi Ian and Irene,

Thank you very much! I wrote it directly in English, so unfortunately I don't have a Dutch version. I tried a copy writing style that was succesful when I had to write copy for something totally unrelated, but that kind of put me where I am now:-)

Kind regards,

Jaap

PS:

I checked out your website, your copy is really good, and the rental rate you are asking looks very attractive to me! I will send it to some friends who might like your place.

[jaapspreeuwenberg]

I have sent you a pm with a possible draft for the first page if that helps at all. Are any of your friends native English speakers that could help?

Other suggestions are to not use the word "Your" as much. I would just put "this" or "the" most of the time instead. For "common" using the word "shared" I think sounds better. I wouldn't use the word "Western" for kitchen, just modern or contemporary?

Photo tags - The kitchen is fully equipped for all your meal preparations. The penthouse is luxurious and modern.

HTH for starters

Hi Nemo,

Thank you so much!

Kind regards,

Jaap

[CSE]

Heeft u een Nederlandse versie?

We do not have much time but maybe we can squeeze time to help with a page or two in if you have.

Hi Ian and Irene,

Thank you very much! I wrote it directly in English, so unfortunately I don't have a Dutch version. I tried a copy writing style that was succesful when I had to write copy for something totally unrelated, but that kind of put me where I am now:-)

Kind regards,

Jaap

PS:

I checked out your website, your copy is really good, and the rental rate you are asking looks very attractive to me! I will send it to some friends who might like your place.

Thanks for the comments about our place.
One of us is Dutch so doing a bit of translation work would not be a problem. Hence why I asked if you had anything in Dutch.

[jaapspreeuwenberg]

Found a copywriter! In fact, two.
I contacted Paul of PromoteMyPlace, he found a copywriter. What a great service they are delivering!

I also contacted Charles of http://thailandholidayhouse.com. My apartments are listed on his site. I asked him if he was a native speaker (he is) and would be willing to write the copy for my websites (he was). He has really good copy on his websites (and by the way: also two really nice properties), which you can check out at http://geckovilla.com.

May I thank you very much for your help and suggestions? It was great feeling I am not alone in this business and receiving the feedback from you all. I have already changed the existing copy based on your feedback and it reads already a lot better than before!

Kind regards,

Jaap

[CSE]

Goed gedaan jongen

[Nemo]

Excellent news, well done!